it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
