I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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