ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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