don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
