Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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