i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
