Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
