69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
