I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
