i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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