I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
