Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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