she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
