well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
time to smoke my breakfast
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
