the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
