Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
