I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
