there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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