it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
