WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
