i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Walk of Shame today included voting.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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