All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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