Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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