You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
