i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
