It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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