remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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