You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
