My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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