ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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