Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
