everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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