I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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