The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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