I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
