OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
