Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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