The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
