Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
