We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
