he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
