why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
