So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
