I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
