Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
