Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
