somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
