thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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