yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
