these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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