i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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