shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
